It came quietly, almost as if nothing had changed from the day before. Wasn't there to be fanfare as I walk gracefully into that new life of obedience? Wasn't the crowd there to cheer on the victorious hero as he rides out from the fog into the light? No, that only happens in movies or melodramatic churches who need the drama and production to help themselves feel better (or worse) about decisions made in ministry. But not here...and not for me.
This is what my new day in obedience felt like. I awoke to an uncomfortable peace in my home. And the entire day seemed filled with a quietness that was routinely interupted with short prayers of "God, now what?" Followed by, "I do believe, Help me overcome my unbelief. (Mark 9:24b)". I think I received a glimpse of what Peter experienced when he climbed out of the boat that stormy night. The power and energy of obedience in Christ is intense and focused to do what we can to be like Jesus and please the Father...and then the waves of life begin to beat against you and cause you to lose balance, to change focus and...to start trusting what you know for sure...that which you have experienced.
Our obedience must wrestle with which master will it serve. The master that reminds you of your past--your limitations, your failures and your humanness. Or the master who fills your heart and mind with a present and future--one not alone but through a savior who modeled obedience and lets us know that we "will do greater things than these (miracles) because Christ went to the father." (John 14:12).
Today, I align my obedience with the God of heaven and earth who chose his son's death and resurrection to reflect his love for us. And in that love, I witness and can experience the obedience of Christ, "who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God " (Heb.12:3).
This week, I will consider Christ as I endure opposition by sinful men or my own limitations and failures so I won't grow tired or lose my heart of obedience.
Obedience verses for the journey this week:
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. Proverbs 1: 7
While I am certain we are not experiencing the same thing, I sense some similarities. As I sit here today in stage 3 burnout trying to even "see", I will do what I must and that is "trust". I will trust that the Lord has been with me and yes, even brought me this far and will continue to lead me. He is me and you in this valley of the shadow of death but we will fear nothing. I will trust and so will you, even when uncertain.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to following your journey. Even in this place, perhaps you will pastor this pastor who needs it so desperately. There is something to be said about being a "wounded healer".
Peace, my friend.